Speak Up,

No matter what I do in life, God will be glorified. Whether I go to church and worship with a genuine heart or I get smashed on the weekends and throw my life away—God will be glorified in the end. If I choose to submit to the Father who is above all and knows all by serving and obeying Him with every aspect of my life, He will be glorified in my worship. (Of course, my worship will never be sufficient for the glory He deserves.) But if I choose to murder and covet and steal, the Father will be glorified in His power and wrath, for the way He will deal with my sin—for the Most High is holy and pure.

This could lead me to say, “Who cares what I do then? God will glorify Himself; why must I submit to rules that keep me from doing what I feel like doing?” Yet I find it much wiser to follow the Creator in His created universe when He says, “This is not the better path, this is the only path to eternal life—to knowing Me” (John 17:3).

I don’t want to be an object of the Lord’s wrath. This means doing things I might not always choose on my own to do, obeying certain things I might not know why the Lord commands, but being an object of His mercy means laying down my pride, my own understanding, even my life. This I will gladly do for the God whom I serve, knowing that I will receive the Lord Himself as my reward. What more could I desire than Him alone? What else could satisfy my longing heart? Who else could love me more? Where else could I search for Truth?

“This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” John 17:3

“If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.” John 14:5

“By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments.” 1 John 2:3

For the past three months I’ve been dating a guy who has greatly encouraged me through example to really examine myself and all that I do. As he discusses his mistakes, achievements, goals, and future plans, I begin to look to myself—am I also trying to become better, or have I become complacent on a day-to-day basis? Am I also striving to be sanctified, or am I merely avoiding sin and ultimately being neutral? Am I diligently looking at my faults and seeking ways to improve them, or am I simply accepting the fact that “that’s the way I am”?

For years I’ve been developing into the young woman that I am now, and when I’m thirty I hope that I’ll be shaped into an even better one. But the only way I can expect to improve is to stop hoping people will accept the way I am—although many thankfully do—but rather, strive for righteousness and shed the habits of my old nature.

Though it could be tolerable for me to hide under a blanket when I’m frustrated or embarrassed, it simply is not good. So while I may apologize afterward for running away from my problems, it doesn’t excuse the fact that it’s a habit that must be broken. Instead, I must learn to face the issues at hand and deal with them.

Giving up in situations I deem hopeless and never trying again tends to be another fault. I become adamant in striking down people’s encouragement over certain situations, but this cannot go on forever. Regarding this, I ought to be hopeful, even when the situation grows dim. At times I even wonder why I wouldn’t want to hear encouragement when I’ve given up; I don’t know why I want to stay down.

There are plenty of other disciplines I’m learning and working on, and I’m sure there will be lots more revealed to me as my life unfolds. When these faults seem overwhelming to me, the one thing I ought never do is give up. Christ is sanctifying me and I know my faults are not greater than His power. Though it may be difficult, my old nature will not continue to have as great an influence on me as it has.

“And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again…Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.” —2 Corinthians 5:15, 17-21

"We were therefore buried with Him through baptism into death so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."

Romans 6:4

Sometimes I need to be reminded of two things:

• I have died to my sinful flesh; it no longer reigns
• I have new life in Christ; I have not simply been dusted off, but I have been renewed

So when I begin to think I’m just a lousy person not worth a second glance, this verse reminds me that I have been raised to new life through the glory of the Father. My life is no longer chained down in sin that I cannot break away from—no, my life is sanctified through Christ’s blood!

Christ did not raise me to new life just to sit around day in and day out, being contently entertained with electronics and forgetting people. This life is meant to glorify the Father, putting to use all my skills and talents to bring His name praise while building relationships.

Sometimes things are easier said than done, but I don’t care how difficult this is. The Father deserves my effort as He blesses me with His grace.

I’m so good at starting, but I rarely finish. Whether it’s a project, a paper, a book, even a thought, my concentration and motivation to finish is lost within a short amount of time. Only by pressure do I finish something, such as a homework assignment.

This terrible habit even permeates my relationship with God. Though I know He is the only hope in a world that is passing away, there are times that my dedication to abiding in His word and setting aside specific times of prayer just falls to the wayside and my motivation to keep it on track only comes after being spurred on in a great manner. But what kind of relationship is that? That’s not exactly what Jesus meant by “abide”, so I’m left to face the fact that either I simply do not abide in Him as I ought, or I can choose to abide in Him even when I don’t feel like it or when I’m busy or when I’m tired.

I don’t want my relationship with the Father to be a roller coaster seeing the up for a mere second only to head straight down again. I want my relationship with Him to continually be growing in depth as I become more like Him. My life and circumstances may change and be unstable, but I do not want my focus to change, no matter the difficulty.

So while I don’t feel like reading or setting aside time to pray each day, it’s a step I must take if I truly desire to be close to Jesus and know where He is working. And that is my desire. May my actions show it then.

Now that it’s summer for me, here’s some plans of mine:

• Continue the online International Law course I started
• Pass two summer classes with A’s
• Get a job or an internship, or both
• Continue selling art
• Do lots of crafts
• Memorize all of Psalm 73

My friend has such a thirst for knowledge, to continue learning and knowing more. I think it’s rubbed off on me since being around him and hearing the cool facts and stories that he’s reading. This summer I want to apply myself!

I’m actually getting assignments in ahead of time and working on them more than a week before they’re due. Look at me go.

Writing about India is always a pleasure though. It’s work, but just thinking about my short, short time in India brings back good memories and I can’t wait until I’m there again. I miss the people, yet when I was there I was so arrogant and so American. Yeck, I was ridiculous.

But I’ve learned more—and am continuing to learn more—so I want to go back and put to use what I’ve learned. I want to see India in a way I didn’t fully catch before. I want to go a lot more humbled. I really miss the place and the accents and the food and the people and the colors and the clothes and the fact that I was never cold—even if the weather did hit over 125 degrees at one point.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my future. I’m graduating four months sooner than I thought, which means I need to start filling out applications to go overseas now. There are things to think through though, and I’m not sure how they’ll be decided.

One thing I do know: the Father is a great Provider. As He continues to open doors for me, He has been providing me with people who are wise, as well as stabilizing me in the hope that this life is not it. There’s more to come—more of God Himself to experience—and no matter if I make mistakes or make the wisest decisions possible, I’m still going to need and desire Jesus Christ.

So as I prepare for my life to speed up as it has in the last four months alone, I’m trying to develop habits I’ve been a bit slack on. Two classes this summer and four majors classes this Fall means my work ethic has got to improve all the more. Getting things done on time is great, but getting them done on time without cramming it into one night is the goal for now.

I’ve got other goals as well, but this is the big one for me to improve for now.

Today my Christianity and Citizenship class started discussing the ethical arguments for and against war, aggression, self-defense, and ultimately violence.

Nearly every single student except the one girl I appreciate was for violence. They all agreed self-defense is necessary, even if it means pre-emptively attacking and/or going to war. When the professor said some people don’t want to participate because they are pacifists, a couple guys said those people should leave since we’ve all “signed a contract to be part of the state and community”. My eyes rolled so hard, I’m surprised they didn’t get stuck.

As I’m continuing to develop my views on whether or not violence, even in self-defense, is ever justified, I find myself leaning more and more towards absolute pacifism. Listening to the students argue that it’s for the sake of protection and safety only caused me to question how they can argue that from a biblical standpoint—because I certainly see prophets being imprisoned, apostles and believers of the New Testament being flogged, crucified, imprisoned, beat, stoned, and thrown into boiling hot oil without fighting back in a violent manner. Christ Himself was silent during His trial and did not fight back when they crucified Him. 

Though one could argue Christ had a specific purpose—He literally came to die on the cross; if He fought back, He would not be fulfilling His purpose. But that only leads me to consider that maybe Jesus is a bit more concerned about His ultimate purpose than about my safety. He’s more focused on the life to come than He is about this one—I’m not going to live here forever.

I simply do not see anywhere in the Bible where violence was advocated except in very specific matters, as seen in the Old Testament. Considering we’re not in a Holy War and as Americans are not a land of God’s chosen people, I would boldly say we don’t have any justification for bombing other countries, ordering drone strikes, or shooting and killing innocent civilians. 

On a much more personal level, I don’t believe in fighting back if I am ever personally attacked. If I am living a life of obedience out of my love for God, then nothing I do will ever warrant a need for me to act in a violent and aggressive manner. As I have read about and heard countless stories of missionaries traveling overseas only to be killed instantly or within weeks or months, I consider they trusted God to rescue them—whether it would be physically in this life, or spiritually in the next. If my focus is on eternity with Christ, why would I be so eager to attack another person, regardless of whether or not it’s self-defense, to stay here?

And finally, in the Old Testament the command was given “an eye for an eye”. This was a measure to stop the brutality that went on in those times—the punishments were so uneven that God demanded they change to be deserving of the crime committed. But when Jesus came He brought an even greater, more merciful command: “Love your enemy.” How could I ever hope to love my enemy if I am bombing him—and I’ve never met him—or shooting him or punching him for the sake of my own well-being?

Just a thought.

Today I found out Ashley, who I’ve always thought to be a year or two older than me, is actually a year younger. She said her birthday was approaching and she would be twenty-one. Shocked, I exclaimed, “But I’m twenty-two! You’re older!” Once I got over the shock of her being younger, I realized I hadn’t really considered the fact that I’m twenty-two now.

At first I was bummed over it. Getting older means getting more bills and a job and making harder life decisions and moving on from people I love as they do the same.

But then my thoughts looked back, away from the future and onto the past. In a split second my last few years flashed through my mind and I was taken aback by how much I’ve grown.

I once was so afraid of going off to college, but step by step I’ve thrived while being in the stage of life. For all the years I was so timid or fearful of what others thought of me or how I might fail, the Father has spoken over and again that He has not given me a spirit of timidity, but rather a spirit of power. Even now I’m stepping beyond my comfort zone—with excitement, not reluctance—to search for an internship to do this summer. 

Small steps have lead me to where I am now, which still isn’t anything to praise if I stopped now, but I’m not where I was before. Praise God for that, the One who has pushed and prodded and called me to things greater than myself, to join Him in His global purpose. Hallelujah to the One who has provided growth in my life and stayed with me throughout my stubborn moments and fearful attitude.

By God’s grace, I can say my efforts have not been in vain.

This morning as I was preparing to sit down and read from Ephesians I began to pray, trying to move myself into a right place to receive God’s word. “I want to get something out of Your word this morning. Open my eyes to see something new.” I meant well; how could it be wrong to desire God to reveal something new?

But then it hit me: I wasn’t even concerned about spending time with God Himself, I was more concerned with coming away with something. What if I approached friendships like that? I began to think how silly it would be for me to invite a friend to hang out and say to him or her, “Hey, I want to get something out of this. Otherwise it’ll feel useless and I might not want to hang out again.” How ridiculous! An yet that’s how I often approach God—if I don’t get something from reading His word I begin to think it’s not so necessary or important to spend time in it.

I considered how I approach my deep friendships. I know if Danielle calls me up to hang out and says, “We won’t do much, I have to clean my room. But I wanted to hang out.” I’m down in a heartbeat because I know just spending time with her is satisfying. Other times I call people up to do homework together and we barely talk over the span of two hours—but that’s always been fine with me because just choosing to be in the same room was nice.

So I didn’t withdraw my prayer—I always want God to reveal something to me and I want to be open and ready for it—but I did continue it: “God, even if nothing new jumps out at me, even if it just seems to look like I spent ten, twenty, thirty minutes reading the Bible without ‘anything to show for it’, I hope our time together will be sweet.”

And I can tell you, having read now, there wasn’t some moment of epiphany nor a moment of awe that brought me to my knees. I read and spent time with my Father. It was enough because He is enough—more than enough.

He is a great God and if we desire His blessings and instructions more than we desire Him, then we are robbing Him of his due glory. May our lives proclaim that He Himself is the greatest reward we could ever receive. He is a miraculous, huge, and powerful God, but He dwells in the quiet places.

“So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17-19

This is my challenge for the next month. I tend to think I can do whatever I want on the very first try, but this rock wall proved otherwise. I’m not giving up though, it’s something I’m going to overcome, one level at a time.

I finally decided to put my bike to use after a month-long hiatus. It was great riding again, even if it was just a few miles. Maybe I’ll make a bigger effort to use it more often, but I know with another month of school it’s not likely.

Being outside and watching the weather change from a cool morning to a sunny afternoon was fantastic. God makes great things and I want to be more aware of His work, that I may praise Him all the more.

Wednesday night I drove out to Joshua Tree with fourteen friends and spent the night freezing in my sleeping bag, praying time would pass quickly and the sun would come up. After shivering and shaking for hours, I seemed to wake up from a daze to a warmer temperature and heard some of the guys talking just outside our tent. After getting dressed, I went out to find breakfast was being made and some of the guys were already climbing up the giant rocks.

When breakfast was finished, Austin pulled out his Bible, along with everyone else, and read from Luke 22, where Jesus was at the Passover with His disciples, telling them about the bread and the wine being His body and blood. After a short discussion, Jackson pulled out his guitar and started to sing worship. 

The coolest part is that Austin and Jackson are deaf. Austin spoke and signed at the same time, and it was so peaceful to watch him sign his prayer to God—I was getting to see someone talk with the Father in a different language, one that I could understand. And Jackson…man, Jackson is such a talented guy. He’s deaf, yet he plays the bass, drums, guitar, and piano. While playing guitar yesterday, he sang. I’ve never heard him sing before, but yesterday was so awe-inspiring. He was definitely not singing the way we normally expect people to sing—for obvious reasons—but just listening to him praise God with all that he had caused me to admire God. I can only imagine how wonderful Jackson’s praise was to the Lord. I was reveling in it and found myself praising God all the more because of how sincere and abandoned Jackson was worshiping God.

After breakfast, worship, and Bible study, we set out to go rock climbing. Holy macanolli, that was a thrill and I’m set on going to the Rec Center here to continue using the rock wall. I’ve never been rock climbing before, so my adrenaline was pumping as I climbed. I didn’t get too high due to getting myself stuck at one point, so I came down, feeling challenged to try harder next time. It’s something I’d like to pursue as a side hobby.

As I looked at the group of people I was with, I took joy in the fact that I knew we were pleasing to the Father. Here we were, fourteen college-age students, choosing to worship God, serving each other by making breakfast, cleaning dishes, encouraging each other in rock climbing, being uplifting in our conversation, and enjoying God’s creation. It was magnificent. So I thanked God for blessing me with a fantastic experience.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Pioneer and Perfecter of our faith. For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that we may not grow weary and lose heart.”—Hebrews 12:1-3

It is so easy to look at a situation and consider the downsides and the risks and the opportunities to fail and everything else that could go wrong, yet this is a verse spurring us on to keep moving, keep fighting against all that hinders us, and keep focusing on Christ.

In looking at the verses I’ve decided to memorize throughout my life, I notice there’s a tendency for me to choose the verses that spur me on in my faith. I honestly believe it could be due to such great opposition I experience personally or see secondhand; the world is so negative and without hope, but Christ offers and blesses those who believe in Him a hope that is solid and will not fail. So risks may run high, we may crash and fall, but our hope in Christ raises us up again.

"Hear and pay attention, do not be arrogant, for the Lord has spoken. Give glory to the Lord your God before He brings the darkness, before your feet stumble on the darkening hills. You hope for light, but He will turn it to thick darkness and change it to deep gloom. But if you do not listen, I will weep in secret because of your pride; my eyes will weep bitterly, overflowing with tears, because the Lord’s flock will be taken captive."

Jeremiah 13:15-17

God’s people had been deliberately disobeying Him, knowing full well the consequences of their sin would bring upon them curses—yet they did not turn away, they did not repent. Rather, they delighted in their sin all the more.

“…You are always on their lips but far from their hearts…Moreover, the people are saying, ‘He will not see what happens to us.’” Jeremiah 12:2, 4

It is shameful how relevant they are to us today, we who claim Christ and yet do not obey Him. Why is obedience so difficult? Why are we so in love with our own sin? Yet it is not those who are saved who love their sin, but the wicked, those who do not know Christ in their hearts.

It’s harsh, but truth is offensive.

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in His presence.” 1 John 3:18-19

Pride must be laid aside—we must be laid aside. And our actions will reflect our hearts.